So I am having an amazingly positive afternoon after last night/this morning.
My mood is sort of related to my intake but I will ignore that for now.
A few things have inspired me and shed a little light into my life.
I think I can up my intake a bit with a list of safe foods that with either mean I maintain or lose. I can’t gain right now but I really want to stop bingeing and purging.
I think if I eat safer foods which are under a certain amount of calories I am less likely to purge. Then maybe I can start adding more safe foods to the list.
I also want to get out more, go to exhibitions, shows, talks just get out and see the fucking world.
I’d like to have more friends here but that takes time and I guess comes with going out and exploring more.
I want to be a better vegan. I love being vegan and it makes me want to recover or at least eat better. I am scared of such a large goal right now but it does give me hope and being part of something does help. I don’t know it just inspires me. By better vegan I mean in terms of clothes, products etc. I don’t really there is such a thing as a bad vegan as it is a personal decision and journey but I mean in terms of my own veganism.
Waffling here but I really just wanted to express this feeling.
I want to be creative, more part of the world.
That isn’t going to happen here in my room hiding away and indulging within my mind and negative thoughts.
I wish food wasn’t so directly related to mood, anxiety, concentration, energy, life and I wish it wasn’t so difficult.
So here is a positive start.
I wish I could put this feeling in a box and then open it up every so often when I need reminding, it hard to put into words and remember just by reading.
