My eating disordered self feels like my real self.
It is what I know best and what I comfortable with.
It is what I have lived with for a large part of my life.
I feel like my body is my own.
During recovery I felt every bit of extra flesh wasn’t part of me.
I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, I just felt wrong.
I guess deep down I know eventually that I would become comfortable with that body and get used to it, but it would take a long time. I don’t think I have the strength.
Even though I feel like I still have a lot more to lose, this body just feels so much safer.
I feel more like me.
