I am such a roller coaster of emotions at the moment.
My day was mainly good, I was feeling okay and decided to eat something.
I thought it would be okay to eat out with my friends.
I came home and purged it all.
I guess there is a positive in the fact that eating infront of people at all would have been impossible before.
But that was also before ‘recovery’ and since relapse things are only going downhill.
It is up and down with emotions, up and down with how I feel about myself, up and down on how well I am coping, up and down with behaviours.
Nauseating.
Also one of my tutors telling me I did well in an assignment is messing wiht my head further.
One side made me feel better about myself and made me feel like I was ‘allowed’ to eat & I should to continue doing well at college. The other side made me think I don’t need to eat and I am obviously doing fine without food.
The overriding thought is no food tomorrow…
